Emma Jones

I’ve got je ne sais quoi  I’m going to go far  I’m a bobby dazzler A future world traveller  I’m the upper rank  I’ve got bags of swank.  My smile opens doors  On all the top floors  It’s that smooth savoir faire  It’s that nonchalant flair  I must be frank  It’s bags of swank.  Bags of swank? It’s money in the bank It means I’m it  I’ve got the quickest wit  It means I’ve got star quality  And winning is my policy.

30   This year I’ll turn 30  Goodbye to my youth!  So long to my beauty!  I’m long in the tooth.  I’m washed beyond recognition  I’m falling apart at the seams  I’ll never marry a sultan And live my Dubai dreams.  My prime years are behind me  My eggs are drying to dust  My tits are sagging to my knees I inspire true disgust!  I should’ve had botox sooner  If I wanted it to take  I could’ve been hot forever, you know?  Now, my whole body will break.  Get the buck teeth fixed soon  It’s getting fucking ridiculous Be how a woman’s supposed to be  Neat and plucked and meticulous.