30 (A Poem I Wrote Just Before I Turned 30)

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30 

This year I’ll turn 30 
Goodbye to my youth! 
So long to my beauty! 
I’m long in the tooth. 

I’m washed beyond recognition 
I’m falling apart at the seams 
I’ll never marry a sultan
And live my Dubai dreams. 

My prime years are behind me 
My eggs are drying to dust 
My tits are sagging to my knees
I inspire true disgust! 

I should’ve had botox sooner 
If I wanted it to take 
I could’ve been hot forever, you know? 
Now, my whole body will break. 

Get the buck teeth fixed soon 
It’s getting fucking ridiculous
Be how a woman’s supposed to be 
Neat and plucked and meticulous.

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